An archive of our latest Lame Jokes du Jour

Q: What do you have if there are 100 rabbits in a row and 99 step back?
A: A receding hare line.

Q: How much money did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?
A: A buck an ear.

Did you hear about the veterinarian who is also a taxidermist? The sign outside his office reads, “Either way, you get your dog back.”

Q: What do reindeer always say before telling you a joke?
A: This one will “sleigh” you!

Did you hear about the veterinarian who is also a taxidermist? The sign outside his office reads, “Either way, you get your dog back.”

Q: What happens when frogs park illegally?
A: They get toad.
Q: What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A: A brick layer.
I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said “Keep off the grass.”
Police were called to a daycare where a 3-year-old was resisting a rest.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

A young man from Texas walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender replies “Ya got any ID”? The Texan says, “An idee about what”?

Teacher: “You never get anything right. What kind of job do you think you’ll get when you leave school?”
Student: “Well, I want to be the weather person on TV.”

“Tonight’s forecast: Dark. Continued dark throughout most of the evening, with some widely scattered light towards morning.”
— George Carlin, as the hippie dippy weatherman

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?”
“Let’s have a look,” the vet says. He picks the dog up and carefully examines his left eye, then the right while holding him in the air. Finally, the vet says, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
“What? Just because he is cross-eyed?” the owner asks.
“No,” the vet says. “Because he is really, really heavy.”

Need more lame jokes? Here’s some links to our favorite joke sites

Pretty Good Jokes from A Prairie Home Companion

Good, clean jokes from Reader’s Digest

Knock Knock jokes from Funology

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